You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
