i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my being single is dangerous.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
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we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
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I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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