Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
