Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
