After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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