Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
