i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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