At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
