will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Shame is for Republicans.
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