A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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