I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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