It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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