Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
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