Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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