I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
