There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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