the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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