I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
if only i could text you this smell
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
