I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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