My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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