My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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