I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
