Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
