i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
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