I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
