Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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