I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
