loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
