But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
