i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
