Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
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