There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
