One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
