how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
