Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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