Slut skills are useful in every country.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
