Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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