I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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