Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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