Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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