I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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