there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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