You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
