I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
