Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
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That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
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Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
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