Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
