I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
