you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
