I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
