So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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