I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
