He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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