I love watching others lives come down to our level.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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