Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
