you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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