Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
