I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
