you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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