My brain says no but my pants say off.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
