Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
