pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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