i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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