there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
