I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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