Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
