Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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