it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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