dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
