hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
