I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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