Need sex. Gaining weight.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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