Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
