I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
