Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
