hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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