i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
