you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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